Jazz and Sidewalks

How is your day going?  I was a little lost in my Calc class this morning, but the rest so far has been pretty chill.  I was sitting in the library earlier, listening to the jazz group performing just outside, and people-watching out of a wonderful wall of windows beside me.  Through my observations, I’ve decided that the way a person walks can reveal a lot about them.

You’ve got the Speed Walkers who like to use their time efficiently or just don’t enjoy walking slow.  They could also be late to something or be trying to sneakily get away from a hoard of imaginary monsters…you never know.  The Speed Walkers’ counterparts would be the Saunterers who I’d say are probably just chill people, sleepy, or too lazy to walk any faster.  Then you’ve got those people who try to look at every little thing around them as if whatever their eyeballs soak in is essential to life itself.  With all of the moving around that their heads are doing, I think it’s suitable to call them the Bobble Heads.  On the other hand, we’ve got the Deer-in-the-Headlights (DitH) folks who seem to have been so traumatized by an experience of catching someone’s eye from afar and having to stare at them awkwardly before smiling in passing, that they have vowed to never again make eye contact with anyone or anything while walking.  Another group in the Stationary Eyeballs category would be the KrazEYEglued.  These people’s eyes are probably literally glued to their phones.  The KrazEYEglueds think that they’re so good at walking, that even when they’re about to run into a tree, they’ll just casually step to the side and keep going without ever looking up from their phones.  Gosh, those pros.  But ain’t nobody walks better than the Puffed Pecs.  They walk around like it’s nobody’s business! – chest out, shoulders back, chin up, and swag to their step.  The Coolz don’t have quite the same kind of swag, but they walk everywhere with their headphones in and give off the persona that they think they’re cool.  Next up are the Bookaholics, a studious people.   Wherever they go, a book is open in hand.  Now, if you want to know about people who are simply determined to get somewhere, we’ll talk about the Sniffers.  Their true identity is most noticeable when wearing a backpack.  The Sniffers walk slightly bent from the waist with their nose poked way out over their toes like they’re following a scent.  Backpacks seem to keep them from straight up charging through the crowds.  …Do I smell bacon?  The Snail Herd might.  Although I don’t think that snails can smell.  Anyways, these people travel in packs of usually five to ten people.  They have to walk slow, cover the width of the sidewalks, and make sure to stop smack in the middle of the path to ensure that they can always see and hear everyone in the herd.  Smaller groups are known as Walkie Talkies, and these folks are most often found in pairs or trios and always chat it up on their walks.

An important thing to note about people’s walking styles is the extent to which they follow sidewalks and which side they walk on.  The majority of people travel on the right side of the sidewalk.  The reason probably being that we drive cars on the right side of the road in America, so it makes it easier for everyone to apply the rules of the road to the sidewalk.  The left-siders, though…I honestly have no idea why anyone would want to walk on the left side.  Maybe they still have their gills and enjoy swimming upstream.  Anywho, I’ve also noticed that some people always walk on the sidewalks.  It’s like their code of life:  never stray from the sidewalk.  Other people will cut the corners or walk straight through the grass if the sidewalk isn’t taking them directly where they need to go.  These Sidewalk Strayers will even form ruts in the ground over time if enough of them are walking the same unpaved path.  Extreme Sidewalk Strayers even avoid these ruts, as if they purposefully try to take the road less traveled.

I hope you have appreciated my sidewalk observations because I have thoroughly enjoyed making them.  Do YOU have a sidewalk identity?

Until next time,

K

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